i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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