Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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