i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
