Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
