Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
