Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
