Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
