my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
