My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
