I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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