thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
