why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
