I met the friendliest cop last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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