Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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