umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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