I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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