How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
