i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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