I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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