I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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