Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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