I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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