seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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