my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
