she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
