i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I AM VODKA MAN
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
