I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
