at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
