I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
