if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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