and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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