I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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