Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.