dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..