So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself