So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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