This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
