Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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