I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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