You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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