woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
