i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize