I faked an abortion last night.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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