you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
