Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
