Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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