He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
