Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
