can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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