life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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