I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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