WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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