My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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