Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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