if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
