"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
