I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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