Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
