May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
