matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
