Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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