The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
