The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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