When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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