Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
