I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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