You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize