Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
